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Me: my son is so tiny i must have the tiniest son in the world

Doctor: this is a regular sized baby, i don’t think you understand how babies work

Me: I love my tiny son

(via frightn)

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one time in my health class we were going over sex ed and someone mentioned that the word “testify” came from the fact that men would swear on their testicles during a testimony way back when and someone asked what girls say and this girl next to me whispered “i breastify" and the teacher laughed so hard and let us leave 15 minutes early 

(Source: fishstiels, via sniffing)